America’s Got Untapped Talent

I see the celebrity journalists tracked down Elin Nordegren, wife of Tiger Woods, vacationing at a chalet in the French Alps. I’d be a terrible star-tracker, as I didn’t even know she had left the country.

It did give me an idea for a great new reality show, however: Top Paparazzi.

Here’s how it would work:

In the Quick Flash, of course, they’d be shooting the legs of starlets from inappropriate angles. Then they’d move on to the Couples Rendezvous to capture the most endearing photos of famous people with spouses other than their own. In the Sideshow Challenge, the goal would be to frame the photo so that the celebrity appears to be talking to, berating or having sex with a previously unknown bystander.

In later rounds, as in the Olympics, form and degree of difficulty will be included in judging. Contestants could get extra points if the photo leads to….
• a visit to rehab
• a divorce
• resignation from political office

If the resigning politician is a cabinet officer or member of Congress—and what are the odds of that???—the photographer will be immune from elimination in the next round.

In the final episode, competitors vie for the biggest get in photodom: Osama bin Laden.

Yeah, I know. The CIA and British Intelligence and the Mossad can’t find him, but that’s because they haven’t hired the right people. Start with a dozen rabid paparazzi and consider the job done.

After Top Paparazzi becomes a hit, there’s no limit to the opportunities for shows like:

So You Think You Can Terrorize
• America’s Next Top Ponzi Scheme
• Extreme Takeover: Home Foreclosure Edition and
• Survivor: Yemen.

Who says reality shows can’t make this a better world?

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2 Responses to America’s Got Untapped Talent

  1. Tim says:

    Suvivor: Yemen
    Sort of has a ring to it. We’ll see who complains about not taking a shower for 30 days!

  2. Larry Clark says:

    One more event for Top Paparazzi: Publicist Juggling. Since so many of the photos are taken as a result of publicist’s calls to the shooters or agencies, contestants will be bombarded with cell phone calls and text messages — more situations than can be possibly handled. Some will be hot leads, and others will be duds. Contestant knowledge of the eating and mating habits of the “stars” will help them make the most productive choices.

    As regards bin Laden, some time back it was suggested that AARP should be turned loose on him as soon as he turns 55 (we have to wait a few years). They seem to be able to find anyone.

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