There Oughtn’t Be a Law

I nearly clipped the SUV in the left lane as I shifted my Big & Tasty into my left hand and reached into the bag‘o’fries with my right. I corrected quickly, although some lettuce dropped out of the sandwich and I had to take my eyes off the road for a while to find where it landed.

But at least I wasn’t texting. That would have been illegal.

Let’s see, now….I think I can still drive with the newspaper folded over the top of the steering wheel, checking the sports (Cubs lose, Bears remix the Shuffle) pages. And I can still put on eyeliner and lipstick, which is an inalienable right.

I can talk on my cell phone, if I use a hands-free device, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to hold it in my hand at the same time. I can look at the display on my radio and GPS, and I think I can also look at my phone, as long as I’m not texting. I can push buttons to dial, but not to type, because they are clearly different buttons.

And, of course, I can drive under the influence of Wendy’s.

Am I the only one who thinks legislatures should be limited to no more than ten laws per year or required to meet every third year instead of annually?

The longer you run a machine, the more it produces. The longer you run a faulty machine, the more it produces junk. Junkies abound in both parties, as Democrats AND Republicans race to enact legal solutions to pet issues.

Existing laws against reckless driving should pretty much cover it all, including the tragic deaths that result from all kinds of recklessness, from alcohol to pot to Burger King and Twitter. Apparently, it’s not enough, though, which leads to all kinds of additions and special laws that inevitably leave out a specific issue that will lead, after one more death, to yet another law.

Here’s the imbalance: The smartest legislator cannot possibly imagine how many dumb things people can come up with in their spare time. We can run after them forever with laws and regulations, but we will never catch them.

And just as I was afraid I wouldn’t have a great close for this post, my friend Larry Clark sends a report about a woman in the Florida Keys who crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car as she attempted to shave her, um, er, well, uh….bikini area.

I can’t wait to see the statute they’ll come up with to deal with this threat. I hope it covers both shaving AND waxing, or else someone’s getting off on a technicality very, very soon.

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One Response to There Oughtn’t Be a Law

  1. Larry Clark says:

    Several years ago there was a proposal in the California legislature to make it illegal for dope growers to poach deer (who were eating the “crop”).

    Never mind that poaching was already illegal.

    And THAT the prosecutor would need to prove BOTH the poaching AND the dope growing.


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