Ignore Those Lying Cheating Bastards

Jill and I disagree on a lot of things, but we’re trying to live with it. After all, if both of us agree on everything, then one of us is unnecessary.

And so, in the interest of collegiality or the fear of being identified as the extraneous partner, we will sometimes have discussions in which we do not see eye to eye, neither at the beginning nor pause of the never-ending argument conversation. And I will pretend that it’s okay.

But, still, it vexes my soul.

It is difficult to understand how I have remained married for 34 years to a person so foolish and vain and, dare I say it, Godlessly un-American, that she still fails to see everything my way. And you all know that my way is the way God intended. Sad to say, SHE is everything that’s wrong with America.

Thankfully, I can escape this hell by entering the sanctuary of the blogosphere, cable news and talk radio, where I never, ever, ever have to hear from anyone who disagrees with me. I must admit, it all sounds the same after a while and my vocabulary has shrunk 43%, but I have the comfort of knowing my views are the only views that matter, or even exist.

Better still, I never have to make any effort to improve the state of our great nation, because:

  • 1. This country is perfect and anyone who says it isn’t is a communist, socialist, feminist, racist, tree-hugging, liberal, fascist, megalomaniacal, Obamanation against humanity.
  • 2. It’s not my responsibility to help change things. It’s only my job to call people names and dismiss all their views because (see item 1.)
  • This is the ultimate freedom, the kind of independence our Founding Fathers (not mothers) imagined when they created our best-of-all-possible-nations out of hard work (by slaves), faith in God (Deism Rocks!!) and a steadfast reliance on outhouses and wooden teeth. When men were men and everybody else would have been sitting in the back of the bus, if they had buses, but you get the point.

    And they didn’t bother with contrary opinions, either. Whigs and Democrats and Republicans all had their own newspapers with slanted reports that sounded a lot like political discourse today. Except the Know-Nothings, because, well, that would have defeated the whole purpose, wouldn’t it?

    Sure, there were renegades like Jefferson and Adams who held opposing issues and debated them in a civil way, or our worst president, Abraham (a Jew?) Lincoln, with all his “malice toward none, charity to all,” garbage that inspired the Communist Manifesto. For the most part, though, we kick ass and take names, except that we shouldn’t be taking names if it’s via the Census Bureau.

    We’re Real Americans and we believe in what we believe and we don’t want to hear any crap from people whose opinions differ from ours. We take our guidance from the strong leaders who ignored the naysayers and the whiners; leaders like Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot and (Attention: This Viewpoint Under Construction.)

    But I digress.

    The whole idea of an “objective” media, beholden only to their readers and their Bolshevik masters, is a fiction of the 20th Century, which finally has ended, disrespected and unmourned. Such a waste of money and resources to print both sides of a story. No wonder newspapers are folding left and right—but mostly left, of course.

    And so we see that Karl Rove is heckled off the stage by leftist protesters and Bill Ayers is uninvited to (from?) a speech after protests by righties. It’s so much more patriotic to prevent someone from speaking than to simply stay home and ignore him. And so much less work than standing at the back of the auditorium with your fingers in your ears and shouting lalalalalalalalalalalala.

    The right gives us intolerance and calls it freedom. The left gives us intolerance and calls it sensitivity. Don’t tell either side that they’ve finally agreed on something….but intolerance is the biggest example of bipartisanship in the United States today.

    Hooray for us!!

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    One Response to Ignore Those Lying Cheating Bastards

    1. Came over from 5 minutes-this had me chuckling; just awesome 🙂

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